my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there was a trapeze. enough said
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
