I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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