haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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