DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
