Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
