so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
