so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
