So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
