Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
