I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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