Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
