she smelled like a LAN party
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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