I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
