i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
