We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
