Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
