We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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