i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
