Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
