Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
