Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
