There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
