coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
