i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
