Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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