oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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