We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
