im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
