I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
