i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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