He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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