Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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