We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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