Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
