I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
