I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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