its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
