No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
