I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Pooping to opera.
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