I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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