I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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