Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
