Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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