I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
