I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
