i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
