also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
