peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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