We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
