She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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