Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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