every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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