so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
