woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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