I have demons in me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
