Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
