thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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